We have strong values and beliefs and seek companions with the same. This drastically narrows the dating options, leaving us to wonder, is their any chance of finding a match?

Friday, August 20, 2010

He's just not that into me - again?!

Is that always the answer? Lately I have been conducting a lot of research on dating and have been reading some great books, such as Why He Didn't Call You Back, and You Lost Him at Hello, and of course the ever so famous one, He's Just Not That Into You. The message is pretty clear: if he wants to call you, he will.

Okay, I understand that, and it makes perfect sense. I have believed and preached it myself, however are there ever exceptions to this? For instance, a few months ago I met this guy we'll call Gob. We met through friends at a gathering and spent the night chatting. The next day he asked our mutual friend (MF) to arrange a double date. It was a fantastic date and I got home thinking he would for sure call me. He didn't.

About a week or so later I heard that he had been talking about me to one of my girl friends, mentioning how cool I am. He brought me up and had nothing but positive things to say. Still, he didn't call.

A few weeks later I decided to do the junior high thing and ask MF what Gob was up to, and mentioned that I had a good time with him, but wasn't sure if there was any point in holding interest. MF told me that Gob had a lot of fun with me and thinks I'm really cool, but he's really slow and doesn't really ask girls out. This is where I should be recognizing alarm bells, but instead I take this as hope.

The next night I see MF and he tells me that he had talked to Gob earlier saying he would be seeing me that night, and Gob said he wanted to come along but couldn't, so he asked for my number. Still, he didn't call.

One week later he's talking to mutual girl friend and brings me up to her and asks if I have a cell phone yet. Seriously, do boys really think that the info doesn't come back to us?? She doesn't know about him already having my number from MF, so she gives it to him. Still, he didn't call.

I am perplexed by all of this. If he just isn't that into me, why does he bother bringing me up and asking for my phone number - from two different people? It's amazing what one date can leave you feeling, but I liked this guy, and I wanted to see him again. I decided as a last effort I would email him and ask what he has been up to. He immediately wrote back and asked me - get this - if I have a cell phone yet. There we have 3 separate requests from 3 different people for one simple little number. What does this mean? Either he's super flaky and keeps forgetting, or he is shy and wants to have the number directly from me, or he's just a doofus. Whatever the reason, he still didn't call.

I know you are thinking I should have given up in paragraph 2, but it's hard enough to find a guy in the Mormon world of dating that I actually want to see again, so when he gives a small glimmer of hope, I hold on like a kid to a helium balloon. If you let go, you fall hard onto the pavement, watching that balloon float away, with no sign of another one coming along anytime soon.

Two weeks after he got my number from me, I ran into Gob at a church event and we chatted. It was slightly awkward, mostly because I was feeling a bit shy, having built up my idea of this guy over the 2 month period of waiting for him to call. We talked about tennis* because he plays quite frequently, and I tell him I'm jealous that he can play and has a summer hobby. I wasn't looking for anything in this innocent comment, but he then says he'll teach me. I tell him that would be a bad idea because I have zero experience, but he insists. Of course now I'm thinking, sweet, he wants to go out again! Later in the evening he spots me and again says that he'll call me and we'll go play tennis. I'm ecstatic! He does like me! He asked me out! Wrong.

One week later, and no call. Tonight I was talking to my brother and mentioned that Gob still hadn't called. He turns to me and says, "Sis, he's not going to call. I'm sorry." Ouch! How does he know that? He doesn't even know Gob. Why does he know this? Because he's a boy, and he knows that if he wants to call a girl, he will. Otherwise, he's just not that into her.

*sport has been changed to protect the boy's true identity


  1. I had a lengthy response to this but it was eaten by Blogger.

    The gist? LDS men act like this because they can. We let them get away with it because of the exact reasons posted. (Not a dig at you, Bridget!)

  2. Sheila, you are so right. Well, I'm not going to let them get away with it anymore.

    Welcome aboard :)